Children's Writer's Guild Forum » General Chat

Changing Tomorrow - Chapters 4 - 6

(7 posts)
  • Started 3 years ago by Marvin in Tyler
  • Latest reply from Carol

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  1. I sent the next 3 chapters of Changing Tomorrow to each of you (I hope!) via e-mail attachment. If anyone in the group does not get the manuscript in an e-mail attachment, send your request to writing4kicks@yahoo.com and I'll add you to my list.
    Marvin

    Posted 3 years ago #
  2. edkowalski
    Member

    Nice, Marvin! I've got a few notes, not many, I'll email to you. If I've got a criticism, I'd like to feel what he's feeling. This is some weird stuff he's dealing with. He tells us he's scared and nervous, make us scared and nervous with and for him. Good, intriguing stuff! Keeping us wanting to learn more and get to the bottom of this weirdness!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  3. Thanks, Ed. I knew I could count on you guys to bring out some important things I missed. Will take a look at your comments in the e-mail.

    Marvin

    Posted 3 years ago #
  4. Fernando
    Member

    Marvin,

    Liked your submission. I have sent an e-mail with comments attached. Your plot is moving a a steady pace, but in my opinion, some places (not many) could be tightened up for emotional afect. I like the story line. Send more.

    Fernando

    Posted 3 years ago #
  5. Fernando,
    Excuse my ignorance, but what does MOO stand for in your sideline comments?

    I have studied your comments/suggestions and plan to use some of them to strengthen the story and keep it moving. Thanks for sending them.

    Marvin

    Posted 3 years ago #
  6. Fernando
    Member

    M - My
    O - Opinion
    O - Only

    Sorry for the confusion.

    Fernando

    Posted 3 years ago #
  7. Carol
    Member

    Marvin,

    Unfortunately, I didn't get to read your first three chapters. I don't think I received them. However, I did just read 4-6 and I am intrigued by your story. I don't know how it came to be that J.J. can see the future, but I'm totally in suspense about the new neighbors who look like the old neighbors. I think I would like to see more emotion in J.J. when he talks about the new neighbors. I feel like a boy of his age would really be flipping out a little more than I see him doing in the story. I think it's a great story and I am left wanting to read more.

    Carol

    Posted 3 years ago #

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