HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Here's our thread for Hooray for Bread!
Children's Writer's Guild Forum » Highlights Critique Group #1
Hooray for Bread!
(8 posts)-
Posted 10 months ago #
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Your underlying story is a delightful one, and the concept of introducing young readers to perhaps two new fields, (1) cooking and (2) a foreign language, is intriguing. I can visualize this as the picture book that you must also have visualized. However, I had great difficulty trying to determine if you were writing this in rhyming verse or in prose. In some lines, the rhyme was easy to detect while in others, I found no rhyme at all. Additionally, I had problems with the meter in many of those lines that did rhyme.
Everything I have been told about submission of picture books is that unless the author also is the illustrator, the author should submit the manuscript alone. Let it stand on its own merits, and the illustrator will pick up the concept and place the illustrations in it (if accepted by a publisher) as he/she envisions them from the text. I realize that you are not submitting illustrations, but the descriptions of illustrations you include might be detrimental rather than helpful to your cause. I understand that those descriptions are the images you have/had in your mind's eye as you wrote the story, and I can relate to that, but it flies in the face of everything I have been instructed to submit with this type of manuscript.
I would recommend that you rewrite the story entirely in prose. Rhyming verse is fun and lots of picture books are written that way, but I'm told that it is also one of the hardest types of writing to sell. Not only do the rhymes have to work but the meter has to be consistent throughout. As noted, I don't see those features working together in Hooray for Bread.
If you are determined to continue with rhyming verse, I like your alternate verse (in your e-mail) better than that segment in your story, but please go back, read the entire manuscript aloud to listen for rhyme and meter, and be sure none of the rhymes are forced.
Posted 10 months ago # -
Thank you, Marvin for your comments. I always value your insight. I'm glad that you have raised the issue of illustrator's notes since this is one of the most commonly misunderstood subjects in this industry. There is a big difference between notes to an illustrator which are written to "inform" the illustrator vs. those attempting to "illustrate" the book. Since picture books are oftentimes not more than 600 words, notes to the illustrator are employed to convey important aspects of a story without actually including them in the story itself. For example, when Marie and Papa buy flowers, I don't need to tell the reader that they are buying flowers; the illustrator will show them buying flowers. Weaving lines about flowers into the story is unnecessary. I hope that you see the difference. This distinction is not understood by many. However, proper notes to illustrators are perfectly acceptable in the industry. In fact, this is a discussion that I have had with several editors, and one even told me that she prefers illustrator's notes! We just have to make sure that we don't cross the line.
As a poet married to a poet, I am especially sensitive to rhyme/meter. First, it is important to understand that verse in this work is being used for effect in two different ways: at times it is meant to rhyme, other times it is not. Moreover, the French pronunciation is crucial to the rhyme scheme, and the guide that I provided must be consulted unless the reader is fluent in French. A published version (as contemplated) would have the child-friendly French pronunciation next to the English word or phrase for easy reading. This has been done before in other children's books. If you study the rhyming lines of Hooray for Bread! you will find, in most cases, that proximate sentences and phrases separated by commas etc. have the same number of syllables.
I, like you, have always heard that verse is a tough sell, which is sad since studies have shown that little ones learn faster when taught with rhyme. I am, nevertheless, going to stick with verse in this case and follow Eileen Spinelli's advise to writers of poetry: have faith, follow your heart.
Hooray for Bread! has now been critiqued by over a dozen writers, so I feel confident that the rhyme scheme is working for most readers, but I also understand that rhyming verse presents challenges that prose does not. This coupled with French words and phrases makes it even tougher. I guess (based on my critique group experience) that this is a story that readers will either love or just not connect with.
Thanks for your thoughts!!!
Posted 10 months ago # -
You're welcome! Good luck with it. Let us know who you find as a publisher and when it will be published.
Posted 10 months ago # -
I love, love, love this story. I can picture it all in my mind! It is heartwarming, as well as educational. I especially love the daughter dancing on her father's toes. Bravo!
I like the rhyming verses and only had a few comments that would make the meter better in my mind. I think the combination of rhyme and prose gives it that pleasing "read aloud" quality that picture books are supposed to have.
I appreciate your insight about the comments to the illustrator, because I wasn't sure that was appropriate. I have often wanted to do that in my own writing, because, as you and Marvin both said, as writers we can "see" the story unfolding in our own minds. I won't be afraid to do that anymore. That also kind of answers a question I have had for a long time about picture book writing. That is, how much description do we include in the manuscript? I know that our writing is supposed to be colorful, but if the pictures also help us "do the talking," should we include so much description in our manuscript? (I think I have brought up this subject more than once in this forum-- sorry, but it plagues me!)
I do agree with Marvin, however, in that I know rhyme is hard to sell. I have seen listed, more than once in the writers' guides, publishers saying "DO NOT send us rhyming text!" I agree with Sheila, however, and I think this is a shame. When I taught study skills, I often had my students write rhymes for things they were trying to memorize.
While you many have trouble finding a publisher for this piece, I wouldn't give up. I think it's delightful.
Posted 10 months ago # -
Patti, thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. Yes, I too, have heard that verse is a hard sell mainly because rhyming verse can drive the writer instead of the writer driving the verse. Let's face it, there are few things worse in literature than convenient rhyming! However, when done well (e.g. Eileen Spinelli), it is terrific and a real example of the writer's skill. Moreover, as you point out, it is a wonderful way to teach children, and they love it.
As far as illustrator's notes are concerned, just don't overdo them. These notes are for conveying important information to the illustrator concerning elements of the story that are not written in the text. Always ask if what you are writing to the illustrator is necessary.
Again, thank you both for sharing your thoughts with me. I am most appreciative. Merci beaucoup!!!
Who's up next?
Posted 10 months ago # -
Patti and Marvin,
I think that it's Patti's turn to go next.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Have a great Thanksgiving, guys! I'll look forward to discussing Patti's work with you in December.
Posted 9 months ago #
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