http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ Discussion and chat board for members en-US Mon, 06 Feb 2012 05:58:48 +0000 bbpress 1.0-alpha-2 q http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/search.php http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=78#post-534 Wed, 23 Nov 2011 01:42:33 +0000 Sheila 534@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Happy Thanksgiving to all NJCWG members! Jack and I hope that you have a wonderful day with family and friends. Many blessings. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=77#post-533 Wed, 14 Sep 2011 19:25:04 +0000 Carol 533@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Marvin,</p> <p>Unfortunately, I didn't get to read your first three chapters. I don't think I received them. However, I did just read 4-6 and I am intrigued by your story. I don't know how it came to be that J.J. can see the future, but I'm totally in suspense about the new neighbors who look like the old neighbors. I think I would like to see more emotion in J.J. when he talks about the new neighbors. I feel like a boy of his age would really be flipping out a little more than I see him doing in the story. I think it's a great story and I am left wanting to read more. </p> <p>Carol </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=77#post-532 Tue, 23 Aug 2011 16:03:59 +0000 Fernando 532@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>M - My<br /> O - Opinion<br /> O - Only</p> <p>Sorry for the confusion.</p> <p>Fernando </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=77#post-531 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 21:58:03 +0000 Marvin in Tyler 531@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Fernando,<br /> Excuse my ignorance, but what does MOO stand for in your sideline comments? </p> <p>I have studied your comments/suggestions and plan to use some of them to strengthen the story and keep it moving. Thanks for sending them.</p> <p>Marvin </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=77#post-530 Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:55:22 +0000 Fernando 530@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Marvin,</p> <p>Liked your submission. I have sent an e-mail with comments attached. Your plot is moving a a steady pace, but in my opinion, some places (not many) could be tightened up for emotional afect. I like the story line. Send more.</p> <p>Fernando </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=77#post-529 Wed, 17 Aug 2011 13:59:13 +0000 Marvin in Tyler 529@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Thanks, Ed. I knew I could count on you guys to bring out some important things I missed. Will take a look at your comments in the e-mail.</p> <p>Marvin </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=77#post-528 Tue, 16 Aug 2011 17:23:05 +0000 edkowalski 528@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Nice, Marvin! I've got a few notes, not many, I'll email to you. If I've got a criticism, I'd like to feel what he's feeling. This is some weird stuff he's dealing with. He tells us he's scared and nervous, make us scared and nervous with and for him. Good, intriguing stuff! Keeping us wanting to learn more and get to the bottom of this weirdness! </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=77#post-527 Mon, 15 Aug 2011 00:39:34 +0000 Marvin in Tyler 527@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>I sent the next 3 chapters of Changing Tomorrow to each of you (I hope!) via e-mail attachment. If anyone in the group does not get the manuscript in an e-mail attachment, send your request to <a href="mailto:writing4kicks@yahoo.com">writing4kicks@yahoo.com</a> and I'll add you to my list.<br /> Marvin </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=71#post-526 Sun, 03 Jul 2011 02:23:45 +0000 Sheila 526@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>That is a really funny idea and full of possibilities! </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=71#post-525 Fri, 01 Jul 2011 16:24:14 +0000 edkowalski 525@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Thanks very much! That's reassuring. I really angst'ed over presuming to write a sequel, but in the absence of one, I felt compelled. I assumed they'd meed in England, when Viola's "body" is returned home for burial. Venice would be a great setting, if I can think of a vehicle (so to speak) to get them both there. I'm assuming there will be at least two or three mask/hidden identity scenes, so I'm sure they'll both be disguised. I'll have to remember not to dress Wil like a woman copying SiL. I'm thinking out loud: having Wil impersonate Wessex in costume at some kind of ball would be hysterical. I'll post more when its ready. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=76#post-524 Fri, 01 Jul 2011 03:31:00 +0000 sunaynaprasad 524@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Check the chapters out on through this link</p> <p><a href="http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.asp?book_ID=21417" rel="nofollow">http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.asp?book_ID=21417</a> </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=71#post-523 Thu, 30 Jun 2011 06:56:22 +0000 Sheila 523@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Read it! Loved it!</p> <p>Now the plot thickens...Where in Italy do they reunite? You know my vote already, but I'm anxious to hear more about your ideas. Venice would be lovely though, and Shakespeare has already in "Othello" established the city's reputation for romantic intrigue. Also, the "mask" is once again a real possibility here for "Viola" or it could be flip-flopped and used this time for "Will". </p> <p>Looking forward to reading more! </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=75#post-522 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 00:13:40 +0000 sunaynaprasad 522@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Twelve-year-old Alyssa Norris has been living through very tough times in her life; losing her parents at age seven, her aunt at age nine, and her uncle becoming irresponsible and cruel towards her and her cousin. One day, two incredible events happen to Alyssa: she has mysteriously received the power to make animals speak English to her, and she has a godfather whom she wished she got to live with. Alyssa runs away from home, so that she could take a train down to where her godfather lives. On her way, a zoo truck stops and a monkey asks her where she’s going. But then the driver invites Alyssa to come to Africa and help a family in need. He tells her that the family may starve and that there was nobody else available for them, which causes her to come along.<br /> When Alyssa arrives in Africa, she meets the family and promises to take care of them. But early the next morning, the zoo animals tell her that she needs to help them with survival skills. Alyssa helps them all day, but when she brings the family’s water back later that day, they fire her and leave. That leaves her stuck with the zoo animals. She offers them a tour of the savannahs of Tanzania, but then an African wizard informs her that she must go to the Congo to retrieve a charmed necklace, which will sense suspicion of the zoo truck driver. </p> <p>I may make the talking animals more minor, since I'm not done and the story will probably be very long. But I can't cut them out. There will be lots of serious themes, strong emotions, some cartoon violence, and intensity though. It would probably be rated PG if it were a movie. Plus many kids read up lately. There are probably 9-10-year-olds reading upper MG and lower YA books</p> <p>I asked on Yahoo Answers and two people said kids 9-12 wouldn't read it. Someone even said that it sounded too much like The Wild Thornberries. I didn't used to get offended by that, but I am starting to now. Eliza is not an orphan who is abused by her uncle, she never discovers that she has had a godfather, and she doesn't ever use something that raises suspicion. If you read the 1st 4 chapters at worthyofpublishing.com under the children's category, it's NOTHING like the Wild Thornberries. The uncle abuses them because he drinks a lot (but never in front of Alyssa or her cousin). No one ever drank in The Wild Thornberries. Alyssa also sneaks out at night to see her best friend. Now with these "extra" descriptions, would any kids 9-12 read this book? </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-521 Wed, 22 Jun 2011 19:06:43 +0000 sunaynaprasad 521@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>The chapters of my new version are actually available at WorthyofPublishing.com. Right now, only the first 3 chapters are up. I may put the 4th one up as soon as possible. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=74#post-520 Wed, 22 Jun 2011 16:51:32 +0000 edkowalski 520@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Hi, hope you're summer's starting well! I guess mine is since I've been too busy (lazy, forgetful?) to get us going on a new submission. So for June and probably combined with July, does some one have something they'd like us to review? We have the next installment of Fernando's Parallel Universe, and Marvin's Changing Tomorrow to review if they're ready. If some one else has something, don't be shy. ttys and hope all's well! </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-519 Wed, 22 Jun 2011 15:59:09 +0000 edkowalski 519@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Welcome, Sunay! I'd strongly recommend registering with our group. I find my peers' comments invaluable, but its better if you can post full chapters. The gang can tell you, I like a story about talking animals. It sounds just a bit younger than 9-12. 12yo's I know like Percy Jackson and mythical content. No wizards, please. heh Don't let insulting critiques get to you, but try to use constructive critiques while keeping your voice and vision. I like your style, but you could work on phrasing a bit. There's always room to polish. My stories don't get good until about the seventh draft. Writing is all about rewriting. Ask children you might know, relatives, children of friends, to read your story for feedback. When you're satisfied it's the best it can be, try shopping it to Publishers and Agents before you self publish. It's a great way to gauge if its marketable before you spend too much money. You can find publishers guides at the book store, probably online too. If you can't cancel your contract, push on, make the most of this book, market it all you can (without spending more), and work on the sequel or your next project and hone your craft. Hope you register! We're always glad to see another. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=73#post-518 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 03:22:35 +0000 Sheila 518@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Sunayn, always remember that constructive "criticism" which comes from another writer or editor is a gift. Never be reluctant to hear it, but rather invite it. You may or may not agree with it and in the end it is your story to write, BUT a fresh pair of experienced eyes can be a great source of information for you.</p> <p>Of course, all writers would love to think that their writing is great and that it needs no corrections or improvements, but it just isn't true. Even great writers have their editors.</p> <p>The more that we can open ourselves up to hearing what others think about our work, the more possibilities there are to explore. Accept as many critiques on old and new versions of your manuscript as you can get. They might be great lessons which help you to further your craft!</p> <p>Best regards! </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=73#post-517 Sat, 18 Jun 2011 02:08:17 +0000 sunaynaprasad 517@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Actually, I'm fixing certain things up. So don't say anything about this one. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=73#post-516 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 18:07:22 +0000 sunaynaprasad 516@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Here's the first chapter of the new version of Alyssa's African Adventures.</p> <p>Snow fell from the gray clouds on a cold January night outside the window of a lilac bedroom in a warm brick house. On the bed rested a beautiful, tall, and skinny girl of twelve years old. She was looking at a photo of a woman with wispy bangs and curly auburn hair that fell to her shoulders. Her blue eyes filled with tears of sorrow.<br /> “Oh, Aunt Laura,” she whispered.”How I wish you were here again.”<br /> The girl heard footsteps running down the hallway. She sat up from her bed and looked at the door. It opened to reveal a girl of eleven with fair skin and long red hair past her underarms.<br /> “Hailey-Anne?”<br /> “Alyssa, we need to get our dinner. My dad hasn’t made anything.”<br /> “He’s been feeding us overcooked meatloaf and boiled cabbage for the past few days.”<br /> “Well he’s become quite demonic since my mom died three years ago. So it’s no surprise that he forgot. And this isn’t the first time. Alyssa, get your birthday money and let’s head outside.”<br /> Alyssa stood up and walked towards Hailey-Anne with her straight thigh-length, platinum blonde braids bouncing at her knee-length denim skirt.<br /> “Hailey-Anne, where is Uncle Bruce?” asked Alyssa.<br /> “He’s not home. He’s at that sports bar, which is about two kilometers outside of Burnt Church.”<br /> “So he drinks?”<br /> “Yes. I think he’s an alcoholic. Remember when you started fourth grade, he never paid for your ballet classes and your teacher wouldn’t let you back? She found another girl to replace you.”<br /> “Yeah, I remember. I was crying hysterically for hours.”<br /> “Do you remember last spring, when we were stranded at school until eight pm and a guard called our principal? He called my dad and told them that if he doesn’t pick us up by five pm, he would be reported to the police. My dad decided that it would be better to have us homeschooled. But he hired Mr. Frank, who used to work for the military and is extremely tough. He even hits us on the hands if we don’t pay attention.”<br /> “Kind of like a traditional Catholic school nun,” said Alyssa as she and Hailey-Anne started to walk down the staircase. “My mom went to Catholic school until ninth grade. She told me that the nuns would hit students on the hand if they misbehaved. She also told me that kids who lived far away from the school were required to eat the school lunch. The nuns would force them to.”<br /> “What about the kids who lived very close?”<br /> “They got to go home and eat.”<br /> “Well I think this is the first time we’re finding out about my dad consuming alcohol and becoming so abusive and forgetful. He’s probably been hiding it.”<br /> “That’s scary,” said Alyssa as she and Hailey-Anne made their way to the coat closet. Alyssa pulled out her deep pink peacoat and put it over her hot pink V-neck sweater and white shirt.<br /> “Alyssa, are you sure you’re warm enough?” asked Hailey-Anne looking at Alyssa’s black and white striped leggings.<br /> “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go now.”<br /> Before Hailey-Anne and Alyssa could move a muscle, the door opened to reveal a salt and pepper-haired man who looked like he just came from a mess. He gave the girls a glowering look.<br /> “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked gruffly.<br /> “We’re going to buy dinner, dad,” said Hailey-Anne. “We’re using Alyssa’s birthday money… oops!” Hailey-Anne covered her mouth. Alyssa gave her a dirty look.<br /> “Hailey-Anne, that was supposed to be a secret!”<br /> Uncle Bruce grasped Alyssa’s arm and slammed her against the wall.<br /> “You kept money for God-knows how long?!” he snarled. “Is this what you’ve been asking people for your birthdays?”<br /> “Yes,” Alyssa whined. “And for Christmas too.”<br /> Uncle Bruce let go of her.<br /> “Give me your money, Alyssa Norris!”<br /> “No.”<br /> “GIVE IT OR ELSE… I’LL ABANDON YOU!!!”<br /> Abandon? Alyssa thought. That’s way too extreme. It’s even illegal.<br /> “I’m counting to three!” One… two…”<br /> “Here, take the money,” Alyssa whined. She handed the money to Uncle Bruce and ran back up the stairs. The money she received from her friends was gone.<br /> “I’ll be drinking more!” Uncle Bruce yelled as Alyssa ran away.<br /> She stormed into her room and slammed the door. She was so mad at Hailey-Anne for revealing her secret. Every birthday and Christmas, she would ask her friends for cash. When they asked how much, she would say as much as possible. With that money, she’d buy clothes, food, and books. She actually only bought clothes twice a year since that was all she could afford. Alyssa may have been living miserably, but outside, she was very smart and wise. At school, she got straight A’s and she had a lot of friends. She was actually very popular because she was gentle, sweet, and outgoing. Everyone at school was easy on her. No one would have believed that at home, she had been abused, because she was very good at controlling her emotions.<br /> When her digital clock read “nine o’clock,” Alyssa opened her window, climbed on it, and reached the closest branch of the pine tree outside her window. Almost every night, Alyssa would sneak out to see Melanie Johnson, her best friend at school to soothe her stress and live peacefully since nine o’clock was her and Hailey-Anne’s bedtime. But she’d only stay for an hour.<br /> Alyssa reached her legs to the branch right below the one she was holding onto. She then held onto the trunk of the tree and hopped onto the ground.<br /> After making her way off the tree, Alyssa ducked her head as she walked in the backyard of her house and towards the Johnson’s house, which was two houses down the left of hers.<br /> When Alyssa arrived at the Johnson’s house, she quietly opened the back door, and tiptoed inside. She noticed a girl around her age standing in the kitchen, munching on an apple. The girl turned around and saw Alyssa.<br /> “Hi Alyssa,” said the girl in a dreamy voice. She ran over to Alyssa with her high wavy black pigtails bouncing on her shoulders.<br /> “Hi Melanie,” said Alyssa quietly.<br /> “Are you alright?”<br /> “I don’t know. Two terrible events happened today.”<br /> “What?”<br /> “Well one is that my birthday money was confiscated. Not because I did something wrong, but because my uncle is a villain.”<br /> “I know you’re uncle’s evil,” said Melanie. “But why?”<br /> “Because he drinks a lot.”<br /> Melanie’s mouth dropped. “No kidding.”<br /> “My cousin and I didn’t know until today. We remembered the times he forgot is responsibilities, like paying for my ballet class and picking us up from school since we stayed after to do our homework. Now I can’t take ballet classes again or go back to school. My cousin and I are homeschooled by a former military chief.”<br /> “I’m sorry to hear that,” said Melanie. “Well be our guest and come into the dining room. Kaitlyn and my parents are there. Can I offer you something?”<br /> “No thanks. I’m good.” Alyssa followed Melanie to the dining room. A small girl of around nine and a couple sat with a bunch of little envelopes and cards. They all noticed Alyssa.<br /> “Hi,” said Melanie’s mom. They were always okay with Alyssa sneaking out to see them since they knew how much she suffered at home.<br /> “Hi Mrs. Johnson. What’s going on?”<br /> “My birthday’s two weeks from today,” said the little girl. “I’ll be turning ten.”<br /> “Cool, Kaitlyn,” said Alyssa. “What are you doing?”<br /> “I’m having my party at a ski resort,” said Kaitlyn. “On Friday, we’ll be renting out a restaurant for the night. On Saturday, we’ll be having a brunch and people can decide if they want to ski, snowboard, snow tube, or just hang out. Sunday, we’ll be departing back here. Would you like to come?”<br /> Alyssa looked down. She didn’t know what to say.<br /> “Is there anything wrong, Alyssa?” asked Kaitlyn.<br /> “Kaitlyn, my parents died near a ski resort.”<br /> “Really?”<br /> “Yes. Five years ago, my parents and I drove out to Edward’s Ski Resort for the weekend.”<br /> “Where’s that?” asked Melanie.<br /> “Fort Nelson, British Columbia. That’s actually my hometown. Anyway, we were driving there for the weekend. When we were almost there, I heard loud tumbling, and saw an avalanche heading right towards our car. I opened the back seat of my parents’ car, and ran away until it finally stopped. When it did, I called for my parents. There was no response. I climbed a gate and walked on top of the avalanche snow. My parents’ car was barely visible. After minutes of scraping the snow off the front window, I saw that not only was the window open, but my parents were dead. I cried like a baby for several minutes. When the rescuers arrived, they managed to calm me down, and take me into their private plane. I cried more on the way. It was nearly six and a half hours from Fort Nelson to here in Burnt Church, New Brunswick. I lived peacefully with my aunt and uncle until I was about finished with third grade. My aunt was exiting a department store when a scary man held up a gun at her and threatened her to hand him her wallet. She said no and that she’d call the police. But before she could grab her cell phone, the man shot her. It aired on the news and my uncle told my cousin and me when I was in bed. I cried for at least four days. I’m wondering if my aunt’s death caused my uncle to drink enough that he was no longer safe to be around.”<br /> “That’s so sad,” said Mr. Johnson. “Well we’d be happy to let you move in with us.”<br /> “Thank you, Mr. Johnson,” said Alyssa. “But I don’t know if that can happen. My cousin and my uncle both don’t know about me sneaking out here.”<br /> “Hey, Kaitlyn, stop playing with your hair and listen to Alyssa,” said Mr. Johnson seriously. Kaitlyn was twirling her long wavy strawberry blonde hair, but let it fall to her elbows again.<br /> “Sorry, dad,” she said. “I’m just thinking of how I should style it the night of my party.”<br /> “We’ll worry about that, later,” said Mrs. Jacobson.<br /> “I’m also planning on growing out my bangs,” said Kaitlyn. She turned to Alyssa. “Hey, Alyssa, can I make you a cup of tea?”<br /> “Sure. What kinds do you have?”<br /> Kaitlyn named all the teas.<br /> “Okay, I’ll have white peach with some sugar, please.”<br /> Kaitlyn headed to the kitchen and put the kettle on.<br /> “So, Alyssa, tell me what life was like with your parents,” said Mrs. Johnson.<br /> “Well my dad was a graphic designer and my mom was a bookkeeper. We lived up on a hill near the mountains. One of my biggest memories was when I received a dark brown and white Dutch rabbit for Christmas in 2000.”<br /> “What was the rabbit’s name?” asked Mr. Johnson.<br /> “Ring Ding.”<br /> “Cute,” said Mrs. Johnson.<br /> “Thanks. My mom used to buy me ring dings until I was six. That was when she realized how unhealthy they were. I was upset in the beginning, but then I got over it after she bought me snacks like Luna Bars and trail mix.”<br /> “Kaitlyn, I think that’s the water,” Mrs. Johnson told her after hearing a high pitched noise. Kaitlyn removed the kettle from the stove, and poured the water into a mug. She then delivered the mug to Alyssa.<br /> “Thanks,” said Alyssa. She drank her tea slowly until the clock read “ten-fifty-five.”<br /> “I’m sorry, guys,” said Alyssa quickly. “I have to go now. Thanks for the tea, Kaitlyn.”<br /> “You’re welcome. Goodbye.”<br /> “Bye.” Alyssa headed back to the back door and stepped outside. She walked two houses back to hers and climbed the tree to reach her room. When she got there, she saw Hailey-Anne in a red polka-dotted yellow bathrobe over her pajamas, with her arms crossed and giving her a dead look.<br /> “Hailey-Anne, why aren’t you in bed?” asked Alyssa.<br /> “Because I saw the light on in your room as I headed down to the bathroom. I assumed you were in there, so I told you to shut it off. But then you were gone. Where did you go?”<br /> “Um… it’s none of your business.”<br /> “What do you mean it’s ‘none of my business?’ I was dead worried about you.”<br /> “Okay, I was at my friend, Melanie’s house.”<br /> “Why?”<br /> “To see her.”<br /> “Do you do this every night?”<br /> “Well… sort of. But please do not tell Uncle Bruce. He’ll kill me. Now go back to bed.”<br /> “Alright, Alyssa. But what would happen if my dad found out?”<br /> “He won’t find out. No just go.”<br /> Hailey-Anne walked out of Alyssa’s bedroom and shut the door. Alyssa then took off her clothes and put on a spaghetti-strap candy pink nightdress that fell to the floor. She then headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth, undo her braids, and brush her hair. Uncle Bruce actually had a rule that they were never allowed to leave their room except for when they’d be homeschooled by Mr. Frank, to eat, and to go to the bathroom. But they often broke that rule to gather their needs, especially because Uncle Bruce was out almost every day, secretly drinking.<br /> As Alyssa crawled under the covers of her bed, fear took over her mind. Would Hailey-Anne keep her promise by not telling her dad about Alyssa sneaking out to see her best friend from the public school she used to attend up until the end of third grade? If she didn’t, how much would Uncle Bruce lose his temper? Would he beat her to the point where she’d be in a coma or even worse… dead? Alyssa hoped not. But there were no guarentees. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-515 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 13:38:31 +0000 sunaynaprasad 515@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>I'm actually changing the story. Certain elements will stay the same, but the beginning will be totally different. There will be no adoption center. Instead, Alyssa will be living with her uncle who abuses her (her aunt and parents passed away). She'll sneak out at night to see Melanie (who won't be an orphan). </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-514 Fri, 17 Jun 2011 11:17:07 +0000 MicheleB 514@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Sorry to hear you had a bad experience on AW. There is no reason to be cruel, and even less-than-positive feedback can be provided in a constructive way. </p> <p>EB White wrote Stuart Little and Charlotte's Web -- timeless classics with talking animals. He was on the mark when he said "the best writing is rewriting".</p> <p>If Mom can cancel your contract, that might be the smart move at this point. Your plot idea is interesting, but your mechanics and writing style could use some polishing. It's best to be as polished as possible before going to print.</p> <p>Don't be discouraged. Keep writing. Your mastery of the craft will grow with time and practice.</p> <p>Hang in there,<br /> ~Michele~ </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-513 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 17:23:26 +0000 sunaynaprasad 513@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>People on Absolute Write Water Cooler have been saying that my book was awful and not something publishable. So I rewrote it and hopefully, my mom will cancel the publishing agreement. Here's the first few hundred words:</p> <p>“Attention, orphans, dinner is prepared!” the announcement blared. “Come to the dining room… NOW!”<br /> The hallways thumped with footsteps. But in this room, a depressed young girl of around twelve sat on her bed knitting a scarf from sea green yarn. Despite her mournful face, she was very pretty with her straight, thigh-length platinum blonde braids, medium skin, blue eyes, and tall, skinny body. She even looked beautiful in her hot pink V-neck sweater over her white shirt and denim knee-length skirt over her black and white striped leggings. But all she cared about was how she missed her parents since she felt like she was the only orphan who remembered when her parents died. The girl heard a knock on her door.<br /> “Come in, Melanie,” she said mournfully.<br /> The door opened to reveal a shorter girl with very wavy black pigtails that fell from the top of her ears to her shoulders, dressed in a matching blue shirt and skirt. She appeared to be the same age as the girl sitting on the bed.<br /> “Hey, Alyssa, aren’t you coming down to dinner?” she asked in her dreamy voice.<br /> “Do I have to, Melanie?” Alyssa asked in her slight teen-like voice. “I’m afraid of Mr. Frank. Why did he have to run this adoption center?”<br /> “I don’t know,” Melanie asked shrugging her shoulders. “But we still have to go down. Or else we’ll be in big trouble.”<br /> “Alright.” Alyssa got up from her bed and walked out of her room with Melanie.<br /> “So, Alyssa, I’d like to know why you’re always feeling depressed,” said Melanie. “You seem more depressed than the rest of the girls.”<br /> “I remember my parents’ deaths like it was yesterday, even though it was five years ago on January 15th, 2004.”<br /> “What happened?” asked Melanie.<br /> “My parents and I were on our way to Edward’s Ski Resort in Fort Nelson, British Columbia, which is my hometown. Everything went well until we were about a kilometer away. An avalanche tumbled down a mountain and headed towards the road. I was so afraid, that I jumped out of the backseat of my parents’ car and ran towards the other direction.”<br /> “What did your parents do?”<br /> “Yelled at me to stay in the car. But I ran and ran until it had finally stopped. I turned and called for my parents. There was no response, so I made my way back to the car and I couldn’t believe what I saw after wiping the snow off the front windows… they were dead. I was so horrified and sad, that I cried nonstop. Even when the rescuers arrived, I was still crying. They flew me all the way from Fort Nelson to here in Burnt Church, New Brunswick in their private mini plane.”<br /> “How long did that take?”<br /> “About six and a half hours. At the site of where my parents perished, I told them that my grandparents died and my parents didn’t have siblings. So Teal Spruce Adoption Center was the only home available for me.”<br /> Teal Spruce Adoption Center was the name of the adoption center Alyssa and Melanie lived at.<br /> “When I moved in, I felt like I was entering hell. Mr. Frank abused me, tortured me, and treated me like a slave. And nobody showed any sympathy for me. Even you didn’t until seven months later. You ignored me.”<br /> “I know and I really regret doing so. I’m sorry. But now we’re friends and I show sympathy all the time. Can I tell you how my parents died? But I don’t remember their deaths from memory. I was just told by Mr. Frank.”<br /> “Okay.”<br /> “When I was five, I tried to jump out my window to escape. Mr. Frank caught me and after beating me, he gave me a lecture on how I should never leave his sight. He told me that my parents jumped out of our apartment window In Regina, Saskatchewan to commit suicide.”<br /> “Why?”<br /> “They lost their jobs. I don’t know what they did, but they must’ve really enjoyed it.”<br /> “Did they have low self-esteem?”<br /> “I guess.”<br /> “Alyssa Norris and Melanie Johnson, You guys are late for dinner!” growled a gruff voice. Alyssa and Melanie came face to face with a huge, heavy man with a wrinkly face and a big white bushy mustache, dressed in a white t-shirt under black overalls.<br /> “We’re sorry, Mr. Frank,” said Melanie. “We were just…”<br /> “I know you two were doing! Norris won’t stop mourning over her parents’ deaths! So you just gave her a moment of sorrow, Johnson! If I ever catch you doing that again, you’re dead! And Norris, if you are late again, you’re dead! Now march inside the dining room!”</p> <p>People complained a lot about the introduction with all the details. What do you think of it? </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-512 Thu, 16 Jun 2011 11:19:11 +0000 Fernando 512@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Sunayna,</p> <p>I have been to Infinity Publishing and Amazon. In general, I will not buy a book based only on the cover or the flap inside. I need to see at least the first page or something in the middle at random. It is the story that will sell. Having said that, and after reading the information available, your story seems to have interesting elements, and from the description, there are scenes that might inspire suspense and transport the reader.</p> <p>Still, we cannot give any sort of input that might be valuable to you without seeing the actual story. Please provide what you are comfortable with, for a critique.<br /> Regarding the comments from authors that you have seen about your story, fear not. They might be assuming that you have the same (or better – since you have published) credentials as they do. With that experience, perhaps they believe you have the skin of a box turtle. Bad reviews, like rejections are for learning experience and entertainment only.</p> <p>Thanks, and welcome to the boards.</p> <p>nando </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-511 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:52:46 +0000 sunaynaprasad 511@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>It's already published by Infinity Publishing. If you want to read it, you can go on their website and go to the bookstore section. The title of the book is Alyssa's African Adventures. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-510 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:46:37 +0000 Marvin in Tyler 510@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Hi, Sunyan! I'm a little late to be joining in on this string, but I've had a chance to read all of the comments that have been posted, and I felt it was time to add my 2 cents worth. </p> <p>It seems to me that some genres overlap, depending on the publishing company to whom you are speaking. Like you, I write stories that involve talking animals; however, none of my stories involve any conversation between an animal and a human. That's beside the point. The point is, you have written what you like, and now you seem to want others to "bless" what you wrote and to do so in the manner that pleases you. If you are comfortable with your story, including the interactive conversation between animal and human, the "mild" cruelty, etc., just go for it! You may have to search deeper and deeper to find a publisher, but more than likely, one will emerge PROVIDED that the story is good and well written. (I'm not qualified to judge either of those qualities since I've not seen the manuscript.)</p> <p>When I write a story, I try to find readers in the target age group to be my critiquers. For obvious reasons, I prefer to find kids who don't know me, and I encourage them to be "brutally" frank about their comments. One 11 year old wrote a detailed critique of one of my stories and sent it to me in a 3-ring binder! On another story, she told me she thought it would be popular with her age group because it reminded her of another author; one who has written a whole series of MG books that the 3rd-6th graders simply love! Thus far, neither a publisher nor an agent has tended to agree with her! Although school is out for the summer, you might check with your local schools and see if a 4th or 5th grade class (or portions thereof) would be willing to read your manuscript when classes reconvene and share their feelings about it with you. Perhaps you even know a teacher or two.</p> <p>Whatever you decide, good luck. And if you don't think you can find an established publisher or even a small, boutique publisher who would want to publish your story, you can always consider self publication and/or publishers like PublishAmerica.</p> <p>Marvin in Tyler </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-509 Mon, 13 Jun 2011 19:07:20 +0000 sunaynaprasad 509@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>I just spoke to my local librarian today. She thought of it as young adult, but hardly any teenagers other than the ones I know personally would be willing to read a talking-animal story or about a 12-year-old MC. The authors on Absolute Write Water Cooler told me that talking animals almost always falls at the lower side of MG, but I've read on another website that a twelve-year-old protagonist almost always falls at the upper level of MG. I think my book's classified more as true MG. Although I've looked through true middle grade fiction and there were hardly any books with 12-year-old MCs. Almost all the MCs of those books were between 9 and 11. But kids read up now these days, so I'm sure that kids 9-10 wouldn't mind reading about a 12-year-old MC. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-508 Sun, 12 Jun 2011 19:56:49 +0000 Sheila 508@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Sunayn, if you have a copy of your book already, you might make a signed gift of it to the librarian of your choice. Explain to him or her that you want to target the right audience. Obviously, your book does not sound like a book for toddlers (that is simply ridiculous), BUT it might fall somewhere, for example, between different levels of chapter books and middle-grade readers. It's possible that you even have a Young Adult fiction story. The librarian can help direct you to your audience.</p> <p>I wouldn't spend any precious time thinking about insensitive remarks from others not giving sound advice. Keep your focus on what matters, listen to constructive criticism from learned and experienced individuals in the field, and continue to follow your dream. As long as you dedicate yourself to refining your craft (writing) and persevere, your chances of success are greatly enhanced.</p> <p>I will look forward to hearing about your visit! Don't forget to make some business cards for yourself (find a source that is free online). They are a nice way to begin an introduction.</p> <p>Best wishes! </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-507 Sun, 12 Jun 2011 14:33:27 +0000 sunaynaprasad 507@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>I'm going to the library on Monday to arrange a book signing for my book which was published on Friday. I'll ask about it there. I'm sure they won't say it sounds like a picture book or is incredibly babyish. I hate when people say that about my book. I wonder if those people were saying that to be mean. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-506 Sat, 11 Jun 2011 16:03:14 +0000 MicheleB 506@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Sheila has hit the nail on the head with this one. The B &#38; A section in YA, ironically enough, isn't the best place to harvest info from professionals. You'll get everything there from wannabe types to trolls. On rare occasion, you'll get semi-decent advice, but that's often a fluke. </p> <p>Librarians are the folks in the know. They are the people you want to tap to answer the questions you've posted about your book. Give it a try. What have you got to lose?</p> <p>Good luck!<br /> ~Michele~ </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-505 Sat, 11 Jun 2011 15:26:45 +0000 Sheila 505@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>It sounds like you are asking the wrong people. I'm going to keep repeating this mantra: Talk with librarians! </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-504 Sat, 11 Jun 2011 00:27:35 +0000 sunaynaprasad 504@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>OK. I tested this out on Yahoo Answers asking if kids 9-12 would read it. Someone said it was awful and sounded incredibly babyish and another person said it sounded like a picture book for toddlers. Seriously? With a 12-year-old MC, mild torture, strong conflict, serious themes, animal violence, deaths, life or death situations, even a seven-year-old wouldn't read this. Toddlers can't even read Dr. Seuss or Eric Carle. They read books with one word books with textures. It's also way too long to be a picture book. Anyway, I reported abuse for those answers. My book's strictly middle grade and my suggested youngest age to read it would be 9, maybe 8 if they're mature enough for this. The protagonist will be 14 in the second book since she turns 13 at the end of this one, so I'm not sure if an eight-year-old would be willing to read about a 14-year-old MC a year later. I know kids read up, but I don't know if a 9-year-old would read about a character 5 years older than them. The detailed plot doesn't sound babyish at all, right? Especially with the intense elements that usually only kids 8+ could handle. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-503 Fri, 10 Jun 2011 23:17:32 +0000 Sheila 503@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Sunayn, if you have a concern about whether or not your manuscript is age appropriate you might take a sample section over to your local library and ask a friendly library to take a look. Most librarians are very helpful, and they are well acquainted with what young people read. You might gain a great deal of insight into what this age group likes.</p> <p>Mainly, I would encourage you to find a critique group that meets in your area and become actively involved. To be a successful writer, one needs not only talent, but knowledge of the business. You must also promote your work, whether you are mainstream or independently published. A good writer's critique group or guild can help to prepare you for this necessity.</p> <p>Many librarians will know of groups in your area. Check it out. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=71#post-502 Thu, 09 Jun 2011 21:05:12 +0000 Sheila 502@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>I can't wait to read it! I'll start tonight, after I have all of my chores done, and I have finished plowing the back forty.</p> <p>Talk with soon!</p> <p>I LOVE this idea. A sequel!!! </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=72#post-501 Thu, 09 Jun 2011 00:39:01 +0000 sunaynaprasad 501@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Thanks. Here's more details top see if kids 9-12 would like this.<br /> Twelve-year-old Alyssa Norris has been suffering for five years in an all-girls orphanage and is even the only orphan there who remembers her parents' deaths. The next day, She discovers that she had received the power to make animals speak, but mysteriously. At midnight, a zoo truck stops by, a monkey runs out, and he invites Alyssa to come to Africa where a family awaits an orphan. She says yes, leaves Canada, and goes to Tanzania. She had a lot of luxuries and good times on the ship, but is very unsatisfied with how the African family lives. They don't use any electricity, running water, and they eat food that doesn't look appetizing. Alyssa doesn't want to live her life like that. But early the next morning, the monkey who invited her to Africa tells her that she needs to help the other zoo animals survive in the wild. She does that all the next day which angers the family enough, that they leave her. Another zoo animal cheers her up by offering her a journey throughout the landscape, which she decides to go on. They travel all the way to the Congo and experience more than just beautiful savannas, but dangers. While in the Congo jungles, one of the animals gets shot and causes Alyssa and the herd to want to go back. They experience other dangers along the way. There are some mild torture scenes, animal violence, life or death situations, and strong emotional moments. Alyssa does befriend the animals, but she's really looking after them and making sure they can survive in the wild. </p> http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/topic.php?id=71#post-500 Wed, 08 Jun 2011 17:14:35 +0000 edkowalski 500@http://www.childrenswritersguild.org/board/ <p>Al Pacino did surprisingly well. Funny you should mention Shakespeare in Love. An amazing movie. I don't know the first thing about plays, but I think I know about screenplays. I'd love to see a sequel but since I've heard nothing of one, I dared to begin writing one. I've attached just the first 10 pages. My premise is Shakespeare writes Much Ado while he pines for Viola. As he writes the scene where Hero's family pretends she's dead he conceives a plot where Viola could feign death and her body be returned to England. (He also flashes back to Romeo and Juliet.) He secretly sends Viola a copy of Much Ado as a prompt. With the help of her nurse/maid, Viola feigns death with a potion, and Wessex brings her body back to England. Viola revives and reunites with Shakespeare. Wessex catches glimpses of her around town and thinks he's seen her ghost (a nice Hamlet or Lear twist. did Lear see a ghost?) I have to work out the ending. Wil and Viola can't stay together, I know. Anyway, thanks for your patience! </p>